Underneath
by destiny-howell-lester
Summary: Dan and Phil only have each other. They've both never had true best friends until they met. But neither knows the others darkest secrets. A story of love, angst, and in the end just having someone to confide in. Rated teen because cutting, swearing, etc.
1. Preface

Phil had been acting weirdly lately, and Dan didn't know why. He was concerned, and scared at the same time. Phil was his one and only best friend that he hadn't had for a long time. And Dan did have to admit that maybe…just maybe…he had a crush on Phil.

Phil was sad, well, that wasn't much of a surprise. Phil was always sad. And nobody seemed to care. Except for Dan. Dan…Phil loved Dan but Dan didn't know that yet. Maybe one day he could muster up the courage to tell him that he was gay. But he didn't want to lose his best friend, after all his family and most of his other friends had already disowned him.


	2. Breakfast!

**Phils P.O.V**

It was a regular day in London and Phil was just getting up, the sun was shining brightly in the window. He headed out to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Dan was already on the sofa eating a bowl of cereal and going on Tumblr.

"Typical Dan" thought Phil. He poured himself a bowl of Shreddies and sat next to Dan on the couch.

"Good morning Dan" said Phil. He tried to muster up a bit of cheeriness, even though that had left a long time ago.

"Hey Phil" Dan replied. Then after a moment of silence he spoke again. "Uhhh Phil you seem, oh I don't know, sad...whats wrong?"

"Oh its nothing don't worry, I'm fine" Phil said. He was scared about Dan finding out anything about his personal life or any of his secrets. Because that might mean the end of their friendship.

"Ok" Dan cautiously replied. Then he became a bit more cheerful. "Oh and Phil! Cheer up remember we have to film a baking video today!"

"Ooooh Yeah!" Phil said with genuine happiness in his voice. Filming with Dan and even just spending time with him made him happy, and that was a hard thing to do.

They spent the rest of the breakfast in a happy silence, sitting across from each other on the sofa. Then Phil got up to go get ready for the fun recording ahead,

**Yay! First official chapter complete! Review if you think it was good and I may start updating daily. Also let me know if I should make chapters a bit longer. :D**

** -destiny-howell-lester**


	3. Visiting The Store

**Dan's P.O.V**

Dan had decided to go out and get the baking materials needed for the video while Phil got the kitchen and camera ready. But even walking through town with his headphones on it seemed as if something wasn't right, not with him though. He couldn't stop thinking about Phil and breakfast. The sadness in Phil's voice. Throughout the whole trip the thought was nagging in the back of his head.

After almost getting to the store Dan took off his headphones incase he had to interact with someone or other. (he hoped not, Dan hated most people) But then something hit him in the back of head. It was hard and round, a coin. Then he heard someone yell,

"Hey faggot!"

Dan whipped his head around only to see…A group of kids. They all looked to be the same age as him. They were standing on the street corner he had just turned around maybe a second ago, some were smoking cigarettes and some had skateboards.

"Oh shit, shit, shit!" Dan thought. Dan had had experience with bullies before, in fact, many many times. He was bullied all through school and thought that maybe, just maybe, when school was over it would stop. But noooooo. Of course not.

He turned again and sped up his walking speed hoping he would lose the kids or someone would notice and stop them. But he was out of luck.

"Yo loser! I'm talking to you!" the leader of the group continued to yell.

Dan turned.

"What do you want?" He asked the kids.

They shouted back.

"Just wanted to tell you that gay, emo, losers like yourself should be dead!" They laughed. Then the presumed leader threw one more coin and they all ran off.

Dan almost lost it and started crying right there. He was sick of the bullies, sick of everyone telling him he wasn't worth it, sick of everyone except for Phil. Phil. Then he remembered the task at hand, baking materials. He had to pull through until he made it home and he could cry in peace.

In the store he kept quiet and stayed out of everyones way, for fear of meeting any of those horrible kids again. Luckily he made it, checked out, and almost ran home to Phil and the baking video waiting.

But he had to admit that all the way home his thoughts were a jumble of thoughts. The kids. What if I'm not really worthy? What if nobody actually likes me? Should I just die? My razors? NO DAN NO. Phil. His sadness. Somethings wrong with him too. OH GOD WHY IS LIFE SO SHIT TO ME. I can't anymore, I just can't. Ugh.

* * *

**Chapter 2 done! Yay! Kind of a cliff hanger sorry... But yeah I hoped you guys liked this chapter. Review if you did and I will try to reply! Anyway new chapter up soon, thanks for the support, and see you soon...**

** \- destiny-howell-lester**


	4. Stuck In His Own Thoughts

**Phil's P.O.V**

"Dan should be getting back soon…" thought Phil. It had been an hour since Dan left and Phil had set up the cameras, kitchen, and even had time to change and clean up the apartment a bit. But that did leave him some time to just sit and think. Just what Phil hated to do.

And of course…the first thing that came to his mind was Dan. Just everything about Dan. His hair, his eyes, his face. The perfection of all of him. Oh how badly Phil wanted to tell Dan he was gay, in the hope that Dan would love him back. But then he remembered what had happened when he told his parents.

He reached down to his thighs and remembered the scars. From how his dad used to beat and abuse him because he was gay. It started when he was 12 and only ended when Phil had moved out, and now Phil and his parents didn't talk.

This was why Phil was depressed. Because no one seemed to care about him anymore, just because he was gay. The only exception was Dan.

Then he heard a noise that snapped him out of his thoughts. The sound of a door opening. It was a good thing Dan was home and took him out of his mind before he just lost it. When Dan walked in the room Phil instantly broke out in a smile.

"Your back! I was beginning to worry" said Phil.

"Haha sorry I took a bit longer than expected, I ran into a school friend and they wanted to chat" Dan replied. "and of course I basically almost said screw you and ran off."

"Wow Dan, just wow…" he said. But something in the back of his mind said Dan was lying, and on Dans face he could pick up just a tiny hint of some emotion. But he wasn't sure what.

"Anyway, baking time! Just let me change first and I'll be ready to go." Dan said as he walked off toward his bedroom.

Phil went to sit on the couch and distract himself for a bit by checking twitter. But nagging in the back of his mind was, who had Dan really run into on his trip?

* * *

**Another chapter done and over with! Yay! From now on I will try to post daily chapters. (probably failing as I have school, etc.) Anyways, review if you liked and I will try to reply. See you soon...**

**-destiny-howell-lester**


	5. Chris Browning Of Eggs

**Phil's P.O.V**

"Lightly beat an egg….HWAAAA CHRIS BROWN THAT EGG!" shouted Dan. They were filming the baking video FINALLY. After Dan had taken about 60000 hours to change.

"Daaaaaaaan…." Phil said in a kind of shock. Dan was an idiot sometimes but it was hard to stay mad at him.

"Is that not what you do…?"

"NOOOoooooo"

"Your not supposed to Chris Brown the egg?"

"No." Phil replied. After cleaning up the mess Dan had made with his lovely Chris Browning of the egg they continued.

…

"You hold as I beat" said Phil. They were mixing the eggs. Then there was a moment of silence from Dan and Phil realized what he had said.

"Ooooh god that sounded wrong…" Phil automatically tried to correct his mistake. But Dan burst out laughing.

"Oh god Phil….Oh no…." Dan continued to laugh. Phil blushed. He hoped to god Dan wouldn't notice. They finally continued with the video as soon as the both of them had calmed down.

…

After finishing the brownies eating them was the best part. Although he was still a bit embarrassed about his awkward moment all was well. Any sad, depressed, or nagging thoughts were gone from Phil's mind. And soon they cleaned up the rest of the mess and Phil headed off to his bedroom for probably the only sleep he would have in a long time where he didn't cry.

**Baking video yay! Some of the quotes from this chapter come from Dan and Phil's brownie ****graveyard baking video so if you haven't seen it go watch it. Review of you enjoyed and new chapters soon...**

**-destiny-howell-lester**


	6. Comments Can Kill

**Dan's P.O.V **(Bold italics are comments)

Dan had had a very good time filming the baking video. It was also probably the highlight of this week, month, and maybe just maybe even year. All of his sad thoughts were gone too. But Dan wasn't one to just go to sleep like Phil. After cleaning up he decided to go on the internet until he felt tired enough. But maybe this wasn't a good idea.

First he browsed tumblr for a while, reblogging and liking things. But then he decided to check some of his video comments. Usually this never ended well for Dan, even the slightest hate comment made him question if he should even be alive. Tonight was no different.

He was looking deep down in the comments for his latest video when he started to see things like this,

**_Emo faggot! You should be dead._**

**_Why are you even on youtube? You shouldn't even be as popular as you are._**

**_Loser! I bet even your parents think your a mistake_**

Dan began to cry, he headed for the bathroom. Then he bent down and reached into the far corner of the bathroom sink cupboards, in a place where even Phil didn't know existed, and grabbed a sharp, shiny, metal object. His razor.

He sat down on the closed toilet seat and dragged the blade across his skin a few times, letting some blood fall to the floor. Remembering everything, the bullies, the comments, just everything. Then he decided enough when he remember Phil. Phil wouldn't want him to cut. In fact Phil would be very shocked to find out he had been cutting.

Wanting to cut more but resisting the urge, Dan cleaned up his fresh cuts and bandaged up. Also cleaning up the floor and re-hiding his razor. Hiding these cuts might be a bit of a hassle but he would find a way.

He walked out into the darkness of his room, put his laptop away, and crawled into bed. And trying not to cry Dan drifted off into a dreamless sleep. Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day…

* * *

**Sad chapter :( But it gets better! I've been working to make chapters longer and its kinda going well. I will update again tomorrow! See you then...**

**-destiny-howell-lester**


	7. What's Wrong Dan?

**Phil's P.O.V**

Phil woke up feeling refreshed and still on a bit of his "happy high" from the baking video. Although he was beginning to fall back in to his own thoughts. It was raining outside, and a gloomy feeling hung in the air. He headed out to the kitchen to eat and figure out what he was doing for the day.

Just like every other day Dan was sat in his couch crease, browsing tumblr like a cutie. Then Phil suddenly thought of something. Was today the right day? Should he tell Dan? Maybe…. But he could also sense something about Dan. He didn't seem to be happy like Phil still was. Maybe he should try to find out about that. He poured himself his regular bowl of cereal and sat in the opposite couch crease.

"Hey Dan?" asked Phil. Dan looked up.

"Yeah Phil…?" Dans voice seemed a bit hoarse…from crying maybe?

"Whats wrong?" asked Phil.

"Oh its nothing…" he looked back to his computer screen. But Phil wouldn't take it. Phil was on a mission to find out what was the matter.

"No Dan, don't pull that oh…nothing crap on me, there is something wrong and I want to know what it is." Phil said stubbornly.

At that moment Dan just burst in to tears. Phil immediately jumped up and sat right next to him and let Dan lay his head down in his lap and cry.

"Shhhh shhhh it's okay Dan. I'm here. You can cry." He let Dan cry until he couldn't cry no more. But then he wanted an explanation.

"I'm sorry Phil…." Dan whispered softly.

"Why? You haven't done anything wrong."

''I'm sorry for being a burden, I'm sorry for existing." Dan replied. Phil was shocked.

"No Dan No! Your not a burden at all! In fact your the reason I'm still alive. Without you I probably would be dead, and besides your my best friend. I had never had a best friend or really a friend for that matter until you came around. And if I ever lost you my life would be horrible again. I really care about you."

"But I never do anything for you…I'm useless…"

"Daniel James Howell. NO. You are useful. Useful for being my best friend ever. Please please please don't ever say your not worth it. Because you are. Even if I'm the only one that says so. Thats all that matters."

"Uh Phil…Can I tell you something…" Dan asked as he sat up.

"Sure tell me anything and everything you want to."

"Well it might be easier to show you.." Dan replied and grabbed for the cuff of his jumper….

* * *

**OOOOO Emotional chapter here! And ****cliffhanger...sorry... Anyway new updates soon as it is officially 2015!**

**-destiny-howell-lester**


	8. The Big Reveal

**Dan's P.O.V**

Dan took a deep breath and at that moment a million thoughts ran through his head. What if Phil wasn't supportive? What if he ended up thinking he was just another emo fag? What if he was kicked out? Well…there was no going back now. He exhaled and fully pulled up his sleeve, revealing cuts of all shapes and sizes. Some just healing, others fresh, and many many scars.

* * *

**Phil's P.O.V**

Phil gasped. He couldn't believe his eyes. He would have never have thought of Dan of the kind of person to cut…but why hadn't Dan told Phil. Phil jumped onto Dan and hugged him tightly.

"Oh, Dan" Phil almost began to cry too. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was scared..I thought you wouldn't support me or you you would just call me an emo fag like everyone else.." Dan whispered.

"Like everyone else?!" Phil was again shocked. "Since when has this been happening?"

"Uhhhh its a long story…"

"No tell me I want to hear it all" said Phil. He wanted to know all the secrets Dan had been keeping.

Dan launched into a story about how he was bullied all through school, how he was constantly called names like emo and fag on the street, and even all of the latest things like his experience with the bullies when he went to go get baking supplies and the hate comments. Phil kept silent throughout the whole story until Dan was done, then he insisted he tell him how long he had been cutting. Dan told him, it had been since he was about 12, the same age when Phil came out as gay.

When the whole story was over they had both almost started crying.

"I'm so sorry Dan, please please please promise me you'll tell me if this ever happens again…I really really care about you" Phil was so mad at whoever would do this to Dan. His Dan. "Also Dan…please stop cutting just for me…if you ever feel like cutting I want you to come to me and I'll help you." he added in a whisper.

"Thank you so much Phil. I was so afraid that you wouldn't care, that you would just laugh in my face and kick me out, I never thought you would care this much." Dan said, relieved.

I care about you more than you know you twat, he thought in his head, almost saying it outloud. Phil wondered when he should tell his secret. Not now, he decided. Right now Dan just needed comfort.

"Hey, Dan?"

"Yeah, Phil?"

"Can we have a movie day?"

"That sounds pretty great right now… I'll go get blankets and you get snacks and the tv."

"Ok" Phil said and walked into the kitchen to find the best movie snacks. Although everything about Dan was still in his head a movie day sounded great. He still wondered though, when should Dan know about his life story, and his biggest secret…His crush.

* * *

**Dans big reveal! But don't worry it isn't over yet...I still have ideas for the chapters to come. Anyway new updates soon!**

**-destiny-howell-lester**


	9. The Best Few Moments In The Universe

**Phil's P.O.V**

The movie day was an amazing experience for Phil and he hoped Dan felt the same. They had gone on a marathon and just watched everything they could think of. Finally it started to get late and Phil had leaned over and put his head in Dans blanketed lap.

He looked up and Dan and Dan looked back down at him. They both held the gaze for a second, and then Phil did something unimaginable. He kissed Dan.

When their lips met Dan didn't fight, in fact Dan seemed to melt into the kiss. Those few seconds had to be the best moments of Phil's life. Time seemed to stop. When Phil pulled away he buried his face and started to blush.

"I'm sorry.." Phil whispered. Dan said nothing. Phil lay in a state of shame and pure happiness until he decided it was time. To tell his side of his life story, as Dan had the day before.

"Hey Dan can I tell you a story kind of like yours?" he asked.

"Ummm oke!" Dan replied still blushing from the kiss.

"Well, you may have guessed this by now but…I'm gay…and I've had a major crush on you since we fist met in person…"

Dan mega blushed. "Well Phil…It seems good to finally tell you this but, I've liked you all this time too…"

Phil was shocked. He never thought Dan would ever like him back. He thought he was straight as fuck. Phil had seen him have many girlfriends in the 5 years they had known each other, but apparently deep down inside those ment nothing.

"Also since you told me about your life I may as well continue on."

"Well I was also bullied in school. I came out as officially gay to everyone when I was 12, in 7th year. I lost many friends. My parents weren't supportive at all. My dad was hugely homophobic and he used to beat me raw every day when I came home from school…"

He showed Dan his scars. Dan just motioned for him to continue.

"The beatings went on everyday until I moved out and away from my parents house and in with you, so basically you saved me from getting beat to death. Nowadays my parents never talk to me and none of my few school friends do either. Thats why I'm usually sad, because I'm sick of people not accepting who I am and just judging me by my sexuality…"

* * *

**Dan's P.O.V**

Dan was shocked, he had kind of known Phil was gay, but the fact that they liked each other back. Wow, just wow. He jumped on to Phil to hug him.

"I love you Phil." he said. It sounded good to be finally saying that, after 5 long years of never knowing each others true feelings.

"I love you too Dan." Phil replied. They lay in their hug for what seemed like eternity, just breathing and marveling at how, after 5 years, they finally realized everything.

Finally Dan spoke up again.

"You know what Phil?" he said.

"What?"

"From now on we should tell each other everything, I mean look, if we had told each other these things 5 years ago we would have never had to suffer through a lot of stuff."

"I agree."

* * *

And from that day on they told each other everything, and lived a much better life than before. Dan managed to stop cutting. With only a few slip ups! Phil managed to get over his depression and learned that if people didn't accept him for he was he should block them out of his life. They continued youtube and eventually came out as a couple. (_mega fangirl moment for everyone_) And all was well….

**THE ENDDDDD! Happy ending woot woot! Anyway review if you enjoyed and if you want me to make more fics in the future...**

**\- destiny-howell-lester 3**


	10. Authors Note

I would just like to say thank you to anyone who read through the whole fic as it was posted and reviewed all the way! It means a lot to me to have people reading what I write on the internet (_I never thought that it would happen 3_) Even if you are reading it late I would like to say thank you to people you to as you are still supporting my writing...If you think I should write more in my spare time tell me with a review and leave any tips in the review also...

**Maybe more soon?**

**\- destiny-howell-lester**


End file.
